Ok…so it’s like, late.

Maybe not late for some of you night owls but for old guys like me it’s waaay past bed time. Hours past. Problem is, I just can’t sleep so I’m writing this from my centro. Kudos to our IT man David…(who btw is probably still up:)

Oh trust me. I want to sleep. I’m actually dead tired but my mind won’t shut off. it’s a billion miles an hour up there. I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I don’t…i just feel like it.

Jesus actually DID have the weight of the world on Him but you never hear of big sleepless nights. Well, save for one.

He seemingly couldn’t sleep during the moments He spent in the garden conforming to His Father’s will. The disciples? Oh, totally zonked…like to the point of Jesus rebuking them for not watching with Him at this critical time.

So it raises questions for me. I know God grants sleep to those He loves. I also know sleep might be eluding me because of a conforming to the King issue.

Or it could be something totally unrelated to that and I’m just rambling at your expense:) Good night…I hope. getabsorbed…n

Having been raised Catholic, I’m sure Ash Wednesday was explained somewhere along the way but musta slipped by my radar.  It was more of a have to, not a need to.  A thing to be despised, not cherished. So I’m thinking all of this and I’m reading your email talking about red-letters and Ash Wed.

I did a bit of soul-searching on the subject.  Often in my new found charasmatic/pentacostal/whatever-we-are freedom in Christ, I find myself scoffing at the old traditions, almost defiantly, as if to say “I don’t need that cause I’ve got Jesus!”  Yet in my freedom, I’m coming to realize that something in me is longing for that which symbolizes and steers the mind, body and soul in directions of discipline.  The act of having ashes placed on my forehead, a sign of repentance, humility and brokenness, stirred something in me.

I told Tricia that I think repentance is forced from an early age.  Say one of your kid hits, bites or takes away a toy. We, as well-meaning parents, immediately tell the offender, “Now you tell him you’re sorry.”    I know what we’re trying to do…I just question it’s long term Kingdom effectiveness.  Often the child will express an apology just to avoid any further anger from Mom or Dad. As a child I’m taught repentance is a verbal expression first and not necessarily a felt need.  Now, as an adult, or close to one:)when I fall short in an area of compromise or display sinful behavior, I might offer up a simple “I’m sorry” JUST TO STAY OUT OF MORE TROUBLE.  I’m finding that I’m a pretty pathetic repenter toward my King.

True repentance, born out of a sorrowful heart, has to be felt first and expressed later.  It has to birth a new intimacy between created and Creator.  A simple “whoops” will never lead the child of God into a deeper relationship; only further into a superficial fantasy.

I went out in the parking lot before rehearsal the next night and burned some papers in a bowl.  As the ashes cooled and the smell hit my nostrils I imagined the priests of old, how they must have had the stench of burning literally burned into their minds and hearts.  How their sin and God’s means of atonement were ever before them.  I know my King paid the price for my sin…that sacrifices of lamb and bull are forever erased by the blood of the spotless Lamb of God.  Yet something in that bowl reminded me of my brokenness, my frailty, my propensity to wander and leave this God I love.  The ashes rest on my hands, the bowl on my shelf.  getabsorbed…n

(previous was a short excerpt from an email exchange with a friend)

Pain is inevitable.

Every person that has walked this planet, living or dead, has faced the harsh realties of pain. Even Jesus Himself was a “man of sorrows, aqauinted with grief.” Gheez…if He didn’t avoid the sting there’s a pretty good chance you and I won’t either.

It might be a grieving type of pain; an inner turmoil at the loss of something or someone dear. It might be the struggle against your flesh to deny yourself a worldly pleasure. Or it might be the physical type which is what I’m experiencing for the umpeenth time.

I’ve got a chronic back/hip condition that loves to test my ability to endure pain. It’s literally an “on the nerves” type of pain that leaves me frustrated, hunched over and gritting my teeth.  I’m LOADS of fun to be around….

This go-around I’ve noticed my DIGNITY is being challenged.  Like when you can’t dress yourself or pick something up or even get out of bed without assistance there’s something lost in the realm of DIGNITY.  Maybe it’s something God knows I need less of….dunno…More to come later…getabsorbed…n

I love reading the Bible.

Yeah that old, dusty, “couldn’t possibly have anything in it for me” book that sits undisturbed on the shelf of many an American home.  I got acquainted with this book far too late in life and have determined to make up for lost time by basically devouring it.  It’s changed my life; opened my eyes to truths I had always wondered about but never felt there were answers to.  It’s given me perspective on everything from love to money and warnings about the love of money.  Most of all, it’s given me insight into the personality of a Man I aspire to become like…Jesus Christ.

I’ve been reading the book of John, gleaning insight and understanding into the how’s and why’s of Jesus ministry when He walked upon the earth.  If you’re like me, a ton of books are shoved in your direction every year.  “This one is guaranteed to grow your church”… ‘This one is a five step process on making disciples”… “This will teach you how to pray”…and so on.

Most of em are great little supplements; vitamins that help add a boost here and there.  BUT NONE OF THEM offer what the Bible itself offers.

There’s just something unique about this odd assortment of writings from an even odder assortment of people.  It can be frustrating, enlighting, challenging and confrontational all in one or two verses, but each time you open it and begin to apply it…well your life will never be the same.  Don’t believe me?  Try it and getabsorbed…n